Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
