apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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