he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
