he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
