In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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