are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
