i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
