No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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