did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
