can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
