Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
