i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
