I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
