My first STD was from a foam party
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
