just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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