Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
two words: eviction party
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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