All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
