you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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