Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
