Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
