I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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