after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
