I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
