I heard we made out
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
