I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
