It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
