how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
