we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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