So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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