You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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