i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
