If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
