I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think my mom watched the whole time
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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