I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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