Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
