Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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