Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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