He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
