vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
