Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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