just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
