i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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