but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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