I can text with my tongue
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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