apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
