Tell her she can't have a vagina
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dignity is for republicans.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When are your genitals available?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
