pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
