I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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