Swine flu. Run for my life!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
