dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
