When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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