just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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