Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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