i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
