a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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